HOLY CRAP. I recognize myself in all this. From this: "I’ve started a few blogs, but couldn’t sustain writing in the niches I chose, and lost my enthusiasm after creating pretty websites with no content." To this: "But guess what? I finally feel like an expert on my existence. I couldn’t even master that before. Writing is processing life."
I've gone through the same pattern! For decades, I'd create a fancy wrapper as a place to launch content and then end there. Crickets; just a blank mind mirroring a blank screen. Culminating in the present phase where all these thoughts are spilling out into writing and I couldn't cork the bottle if I tried.
Even though it sounds a bit mystical, I chalk it up to "finding" myself through diagnosis. But that still doesn't entirely convince me, because "autism" is as much a construct (a useful one albeit) as anything else. How could having something to say be so dependent on reframing the way I see myself? Yet it does seem the two are linked.
One theory I have is that my prior writing efforts were all a kind of masking -- I was trying to mimic what I saw others doing. Now I'm letting my own instincts and thoughts take the wheel. Maybe there's a more indirect connection to autism. My diagnosis finally let me accept myself (instead of thinking there was something wrong with me, as I always had before). In so doing, I strengthened my connection to myself, separate from outside noise.
Thanks for providing a place to reflect on all this. :)
Also, I tried to tag you in a note today - it was a restack about not deleting drafts, and I added that you should also save all the deleted paragraphs into new documents as seeds for other posts. I wanted to thank you for telling me that in the first place. Couldn't tag you though, you just weren't showing up, lots of other Lauras though. Don't know if it's your settings?
Strange... I just tried to find a setting for this but didn't see one. I also tried to tag myself in a Note and I didn't pop up, but not sure if that's because it was a self-tag or not. I just tinkered around in my Profile and changed my handle to @strangeclarity. If you tag that... it should work? Dunno what else to do! Thanks for letting me know.
If you go to your profile settings, from the drop down list on the profile picture, from the desktop version, not the app - under privacy there's a toggle to allow mentions - did you see that?
THANK YOU. I had not seen that. I was poking around in my newsletter settings, not realizing this was somewhere else. Just changed it! Appreciate your help!
I relate to some of the things you mentioned at the beginning. I always felt like I couldn't share anything I wrote because it had to be perfect from conception to finishing.
I'm happy to read about how you got here and happy to read this.
This was a fantastic read, thank you. I relate to so much of this. I'm glad you're feeling more at peace after your diagnosis and honestly–you're killing it!
I had the same imposter syndrome when I was asked to do an interview for Rebel Book Club about autism. I thought I needed to be an expert on autism but really I just needed to be an expert on me. We set ridiculous standards to meet and once we clear our heads a bit we see the simplicity of things.
I’m so glad you’re here writing — sharing your life and stories with all of us! It’s weird the timing of things in life, and how we arrive to them, sometimes again and again, until they just…fit. Another lovely piece, Alys!
I'm so glad I've found your Substack. We have an amazing amount in common. I've also wanted to write for such a long time, but unknowingly let fear and perfectionism hold me back. I also used Medium for a short time, but putting my personal stories out there completely freaked me out, and one stressed-out day, I tore it all down! I'm also flirting with burnout at the moment, and trying to navigate through that. Anyway, I feel you. I'd love to make money from my writing, and I hope that if I just stick in there, one day I will achieve that goal. Thanks again.
HOLY CRAP. I recognize myself in all this. From this: "I’ve started a few blogs, but couldn’t sustain writing in the niches I chose, and lost my enthusiasm after creating pretty websites with no content." To this: "But guess what? I finally feel like an expert on my existence. I couldn’t even master that before. Writing is processing life."
I've gone through the same pattern! For decades, I'd create a fancy wrapper as a place to launch content and then end there. Crickets; just a blank mind mirroring a blank screen. Culminating in the present phase where all these thoughts are spilling out into writing and I couldn't cork the bottle if I tried.
Even though it sounds a bit mystical, I chalk it up to "finding" myself through diagnosis. But that still doesn't entirely convince me, because "autism" is as much a construct (a useful one albeit) as anything else. How could having something to say be so dependent on reframing the way I see myself? Yet it does seem the two are linked.
One theory I have is that my prior writing efforts were all a kind of masking -- I was trying to mimic what I saw others doing. Now I'm letting my own instincts and thoughts take the wheel. Maybe there's a more indirect connection to autism. My diagnosis finally let me accept myself (instead of thinking there was something wrong with me, as I always had before). In so doing, I strengthened my connection to myself, separate from outside noise.
Thanks for providing a place to reflect on all this. :)
Also, I tried to tag you in a note today - it was a restack about not deleting drafts, and I added that you should also save all the deleted paragraphs into new documents as seeds for other posts. I wanted to thank you for telling me that in the first place. Couldn't tag you though, you just weren't showing up, lots of other Lauras though. Don't know if it's your settings?
Strange... I just tried to find a setting for this but didn't see one. I also tried to tag myself in a Note and I didn't pop up, but not sure if that's because it was a self-tag or not. I just tinkered around in my Profile and changed my handle to @strangeclarity. If you tag that... it should work? Dunno what else to do! Thanks for letting me know.
Nope, still not working! I did try the handle you had earlier too 🤷🏼♀️
Frustrating! Thanks for trying
If you go to your profile settings, from the drop down list on the profile picture, from the desktop version, not the app - under privacy there's a toggle to allow mentions - did you see that?
THANK YOU. I had not seen that. I was poking around in my newsletter settings, not realizing this was somewhere else. Just changed it! Appreciate your help!
Let me try now x
Thanks Laura - I'm so glad it's not just me! I love the way you walked through that then - perfect!
"Writing is processing life." how true is this?
I relate to some of the things you mentioned at the beginning. I always felt like I couldn't share anything I wrote because it had to be perfect from conception to finishing.
I'm happy to read about how you got here and happy to read this.
Thanks for sharing. 😊
Thanks Carlos 😀 it's s funny attitude isn't it, like we did be perfect at something from the start - how often does that happen?
Yeah! Being a perfectionist can be a problem 😂
This was a fantastic read, thank you. I relate to so much of this. I'm glad you're feeling more at peace after your diagnosis and honestly–you're killing it!
I had the same imposter syndrome when I was asked to do an interview for Rebel Book Club about autism. I thought I needed to be an expert on autism but really I just needed to be an expert on me. We set ridiculous standards to meet and once we clear our heads a bit we see the simplicity of things.
Yes! Like, who am I to talk about this? Finding out you just need to be you makes a huge difference.
I’m so glad you’re here writing — sharing your life and stories with all of us! It’s weird the timing of things in life, and how we arrive to them, sometimes again and again, until they just…fit. Another lovely piece, Alys!
It's definitely the right time now, it's been a process! Thank you so much for your kind words, as always Jenn x
That's so kind of you 😀 thank you x
I'm so glad I've found your Substack. We have an amazing amount in common. I've also wanted to write for such a long time, but unknowingly let fear and perfectionism hold me back. I also used Medium for a short time, but putting my personal stories out there completely freaked me out, and one stressed-out day, I tore it all down! I'm also flirting with burnout at the moment, and trying to navigate through that. Anyway, I feel you. I'd love to make money from my writing, and I hope that if I just stick in there, one day I will achieve that goal. Thanks again.